I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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