Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize