So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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