if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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