Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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