I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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