I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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