Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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