its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish there were birth control emojis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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