Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize