My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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