Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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