Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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