Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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