I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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