and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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