the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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