I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize