im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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