If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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