My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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