when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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