just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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