I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize