The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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