textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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