Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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