Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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