Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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