I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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