Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
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a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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