Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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