New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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