I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize