I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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