btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize