Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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