I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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He felt like a one man threesome
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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