i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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