Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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