Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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