He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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