sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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