I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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