oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize