Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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