Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize