I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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