You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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