We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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